Raphael's Village

Another round of animal-related hilarity from one of our favorite humorists. The cat lovers on staff are doing their best not to be offended, but they're too busy giggling to get too upset. Humor Editor

Dog Limericks, by Steve Barber

Due to an unprecedented outpouring of public support and readership demand (thanks, Mom), I've decided to forge ahead with Dog Limericks. This is not without great personal sacrifice, I'll have you know. It took all kinds of time to find words that actually rhymed.

The things I do for my reader(s)!

Of course, we all know that dogs, who don't have the attention span of a gnat unless it involves food, could never sit still long enough to write limericks. I, on the other hand, do have the attention span of a gnat, so I've done it for them.

But before we go directly to the dog limericks, I want to make one thing clear. There will be no cat limericks. I like dogs. I do not care much for cats. You want cat limericks? Write them yourself. Better yet, ask your cat to write them. And good luck with that.

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Puppy dogs come in all sizes,
And some of 'em's girls, and some guyses.
Be they tiny or tall
They agree, one and all,
It's the kitties that they all despises.

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A Sheep Dog met up with a Poodle
(and you might have expected they'd doodle).
And, yes, they sure did,
And, surprise, had a kid,
And I guess that they called it a Shoodle.

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A cute Saint Bernard, name of Pringle
Was loved by a Dachsund named Dingle.
But she was real tall,
And his legs were so small
That they needed a ladder to mingle.

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Suppose you're asleep in your bed
When a fire roars through your homestead.
Your dog would retrieve you;
Your cat would just leave you,
Not caring a bit if you're dead.

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If you're thinking of getting a pet,
Please, make sure it's not one you'll regret.
A cat will ignore you;
A dog will adore you.
So which one are you going to get?