Dratted Cat, by KJ Hannah Greenberg
Monday, August 13 2012 @ 12:00 AM MST
Views: 463
Views: 463
A lovely story of an innocent child and a recalcitrant cat. Fiction Editor
Dratted Cat, by KJ Hannah Greenberg
Dratted cat! Stupid pussy snoo! Bad, bat kitty. Come back.
Come here. Let me pet you. I want to touch you. Come to me.
You could have some of my taffy or half of the earthworm I dug up last week. Maybe I’d share my allowance. I get ten cents a week.
I’d trade you Jimmy Tom for a kitten. Jimmy Tom is almost potty trained. Your kittens look sooo soft.
Don’t scratch me! I won’t hurt. Pulling tails is like pulling braids. Mary Beth screams.
Wanna come to my clubhouse? I saw you in the tree. Do you like trees? I do.
I like the sandbox best. I build the bestest castle in the neighborhood. My secret is I pee into the sand. Shhh. Don’t tell Mary Beth. She’ll scream again or tell Mommy.
You have the same secret, I know. I saw you make poop in our sand. Do you make castles that way? Your hands are not like mine. Do claws help?
Mrs. Magenta, my kindergarten teacher, says we should wash after we bathroom. Do you wash?
I like to spit n my hands and rub them on the grass or on a bush. What do your hands taste like?
I tried biting my arm. That hurt. It made a circle of red marks. Mommy was mad. She made me sit in the corner. Does your mommy make you sit in the corner when you are a bad cat? Do you have Time Out?
What do you eat? I won’t share my snow cones with you. Mommy takes us to the jingle-jangle truck the day Daddy goes back to work. He’s home on the weekend. Do you have weekends?
Jimmy Tom has a special tummy. He gets nothing. He cries and cries. He’s a baby. Want him for free?
Stupid cat. Let me pet you! Your spots and stripes look so nice. Your whiskers are pretty. I like your eyes.
Do you like to swing? I do. One day, I will pump all the way up to the stars. Do you make wishes on the stars? Mary Beth says that’s stupid. She’s stupid. She’s a girl.
Are you a girl? I hope not. I hate girls. They’re stupid, stupid, stupid.
Do you play Snakes and Ladders? I’d rather make tunnels in the mud. Sometimes, Mommy says I have to go inside. After a bath, I have to stay there. I play Snakes and Ladders.
Do you have to go inside? Where do you live? My house is too big for you. Where do you buy little houses that fit cats?
Oh-oh. Here comes Jimmy Tom. Quick, let me pet you before he catches up. He’s a baby. He doesn’t know how to pet nice. I do; I’m a big boy!
Please don’t run away. He won’t hurt you. He farts and burps and others things because of his special tummy, but he’s little. He’s a baby.
Come back! Dratted cat! Stupid pussy snoo. You are more stupid than two Jimmy Toms and a million, gazillion Mary Beths.
Bad kitty! Come back! Come back!
Dratted Cat, by KJ Hannah Greenberg
Dratted cat! Stupid pussy snoo! Bad, bat kitty. Come back.
Come here. Let me pet you. I want to touch you. Come to me.
You could have some of my taffy or half of the earthworm I dug up last week. Maybe I’d share my allowance. I get ten cents a week.
I’d trade you Jimmy Tom for a kitten. Jimmy Tom is almost potty trained. Your kittens look sooo soft.
Don’t scratch me! I won’t hurt. Pulling tails is like pulling braids. Mary Beth screams.
Wanna come to my clubhouse? I saw you in the tree. Do you like trees? I do.
I like the sandbox best. I build the bestest castle in the neighborhood. My secret is I pee into the sand. Shhh. Don’t tell Mary Beth. She’ll scream again or tell Mommy.
You have the same secret, I know. I saw you make poop in our sand. Do you make castles that way? Your hands are not like mine. Do claws help?
Mrs. Magenta, my kindergarten teacher, says we should wash after we bathroom. Do you wash?
I like to spit n my hands and rub them on the grass or on a bush. What do your hands taste like?
I tried biting my arm. That hurt. It made a circle of red marks. Mommy was mad. She made me sit in the corner. Does your mommy make you sit in the corner when you are a bad cat? Do you have Time Out?
What do you eat? I won’t share my snow cones with you. Mommy takes us to the jingle-jangle truck the day Daddy goes back to work. He’s home on the weekend. Do you have weekends?
Jimmy Tom has a special tummy. He gets nothing. He cries and cries. He’s a baby. Want him for free?
Stupid cat. Let me pet you! Your spots and stripes look so nice. Your whiskers are pretty. I like your eyes.
Do you like to swing? I do. One day, I will pump all the way up to the stars. Do you make wishes on the stars? Mary Beth says that’s stupid. She’s stupid. She’s a girl.
Are you a girl? I hope not. I hate girls. They’re stupid, stupid, stupid.
Do you play Snakes and Ladders? I’d rather make tunnels in the mud. Sometimes, Mommy says I have to go inside. After a bath, I have to stay there. I play Snakes and Ladders.
Do you have to go inside? Where do you live? My house is too big for you. Where do you buy little houses that fit cats?
Oh-oh. Here comes Jimmy Tom. Quick, let me pet you before he catches up. He’s a baby. He doesn’t know how to pet nice. I do; I’m a big boy!
Please don’t run away. He won’t hurt you. He farts and burps and others things because of his special tummy, but he’s little. He’s a baby.
Come back! Dratted cat! Stupid pussy snoo. You are more stupid than two Jimmy Toms and a million, gazillion Mary Beths.
Bad kitty! Come back! Come back!